raves, rants and rudeness

Help me regain the top spot for “Bevan”

April 17th, 2008 Posted in Uncategorized | 7 Comments »

As my sister (crazyamy — yeah it’s one word) pointed out, my name “bevan” is listed in Google 3 million times (that means I’m awesome). What annoys me, however, is how bevan.net lost the top spot in Google since I rolled out this stupid lemming blog after having one of the sweetest websites of all time.

Now I, Bevan, am left having to post meaningless text about bevan in order to get this site back up to the top.

To help me get back to the top (where I deserve to be), please link back to this site with a simple link like this:
bevan

You may also append “is awesome”, “used to be hot 10 years ago”, and “will always be awesome though” to the linked text. Just so long as it has “bevan” in there.

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Pesticide Kills Millions in California

April 17th, 2008 Posted in Rants | No Comments »

Don’t you hate it when you get an moth in your caramel apple. I know I do. Thankfully there are pesticides that can take care of it — and you too.

Why I Don’t Live In California

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pwn pwns pwned pwnage pwning pwnt

March 6th, 2008 Posted in Funny | 6 Comments »

Some time in each of our lives we are going to have the opportunity to be on the giving or receiving end of the letters p-w-n. For me, the first experience was back in grade school when I got slapped by a younger kid in front of about 10 other kids. But back then, the letter combination didn’t exist, and so for years I considered the experience simply “humiliating”. Today I look back and realize that I wasn’t just “humiliated”, I was “pwned”.

Until now, there has never been a word in the English language that best describes these types of experiences. But thanks to gamers that frequently dominate or are “owned” by others (and have no qualms about bragging openly), the term “pwn” was born. You pwn, you get pwned, he pwns others, we were pwning, and that’s some serious pwnage.

Let me illustrate the definition of this word with a few visual examples:

Ken Jennings PWNs
Ken Jennings pwns at Jeopardy

pwning baby
Big kids pwn little kids

Harline BYU 2006
BYU pwns Utah

Ali pwns
Ali pwned everyone

Guinea Pig pwns Xbox
Guinea pigs pwn xboxes

Guinea Pig Pwned
I pwn guinea pigs –
ergo, I pwn xboxes

Bears pwn humans
Bears always pwn humans

Half-Life pwns Halo
Half-Life pwns Halo

Bull pwning Spaniard
Bulls pwn Spaniards

Pamplona Spain Bull Goring
Yeah they do –
stupid Pamplonian Spaniard

Plunger pwns girl
Plungers pwn whatever they want.

Alcoholics get pwned
Alcoholics get pwned

Big dog pwning little kid
Animal lovers get pwned


Baby pwning cat
Animal lovers pwn animals

Basketball pwning
Black basketball players
pwn white players

Soccer player getting pwned
Soccer players fake
getting pwned

Beluga Whale eating trainer
Seaworld pwns Disneyland

Batman pwns criminal
Batman pwns

Cat kicking Dog
Cats ALWAYS pwn dogs

Dog getting pwned by coach
Dogs deserve to get pwned –
stupid dogs

Kid falling off sheep
Kids get pwned while Mutton Busting

Car frozen in Winter
Mother nature pwns — I hate winter

Southpark WOW pwner
This guy pwns — hahaha!

Me pwning
Oh yeah, I pwn too

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Top 10 Demotivational Posters

February 26th, 2008 Posted in Funny | 8 Comments »

MotivationI don’t remember the first motivational poster I had to look at on the job. Needless to say, I’ve been forced to look at a lot of them.

With the exception of “Make it Happen” which always makes me laugh because of the history behind that phrase (more on that later), most “motivational posters” do nothing to motivate. I’d venture to state that in most cases, they probably demotivate — which is probably why the company Despair has been so successful selling their pessimistic posters.

These are probably my top 10 favorite demotivational posters:

WishesProcrastinationPersistenceNinjasIndifferenceGoalsElephantsDiscoveryDemotivation

Don’t agree? Think you’ve seen something funnier or more clever?

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