Bevan

Before getting to the Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes, let me start by sharing what got me on this list creation:

Last night I picked up a replacement iPhone 3G. I decided after swimming with my old one (and drowning it) that I could live without the iPhone 3G S for a year and didn’t want to extend my contract with AT&T (who I loathe).

Anyway . . . (I tend to ramble a bit before getting into the subject of my post) . . . I decided to put a custom ringtone on so I could pick up calls from Camille while I’m at work. I start thinking I don’t want a song, I want something funny. A good movie clip. My first thought goes to Fletch, which has more quotable lines than any movie I can think of (hey, I think I’ll go buy Fletch on iTunes now that I’m thinking of all those funny lines . . . . bought!).

Now, for the point of this post:
My next thought is the Office and Rainn Wilson’s character Dwight Schrute. He has more quotable lines than any TV Show I can think of right now. The first one that comes to mind is where he’s talking about the problem with women and that they have weak arms. Hahahahahaahahahahahah!

Ok, so without further ado, here’s the Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes:

1. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
2. I am faster than 80% of all snakes.
3. I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.
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My cousin Brad sent me one of those funny math answers that floated around the web a couple years ago and got me laughing again so I thought I’d post a few. I myself am wicked-smart at math, like these students.

Some time in each of our lives we are going to have the opportunity to be on the giving or receiving end of the letters p-w-n. For me, the first experience was back in grade school when I got slapped by a younger kid in front of about 10 other kids. But back then, the letter combination didn’t exist, and so for years I considered the experience simply “humiliating”. Today I look back and realize that I wasn’t just “humiliated”, I was “pwned”.

Until now, there has never been a word in the English language that best describes these types of experiences. But thanks to gamers that frequently dominate or are “owned” by others (and have no qualms about bragging openly), the term “pwn” was born. You pwn, you get pwned, he pwns others, we were pwning, and that’s some serious pwnage.

Let me illustrate the definition of this word with a few visual examples:

I don’t remember the first motivational poster I had to look at on the job. Needless to say, I’ve been forced to look at a lot of them.

With the exception of “Make it Happen” which always makes me laugh because of the history behind that phrase (more on that later), most “motivational posters” do nothing to motivate. I’d venture to state that in most cases, they probably demotivate — which is probably why the company Despair has been so successful selling their pessimistic posters.

These are probably my top 10 favorite demotivational posters:

Don’t agree? Think you’ve seen something funnier or more clever?