raves and rants

Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes

June 10th, 2009 Posted in Funny, Raves

Dwight Schrute

Before getting to the Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes, let me start by sharing what got me on this list creation:

Last night I picked up a replacement iPhone 3G. I decided after swimming with my old one (and drowning it) that I could live without the iPhone 3G S for a year and didn’t want to extend my contract with AT&T (who I loathe).

Anyway . . . (I tend to ramble a bit before getting into the subject of my post) . . . I decided to put a custom ringtone on so I could pick up calls from Camille while I’m at work. I start thinking I don’t want a song, I want something funny. A good movie clip. My first thought goes to Fletch, which has more quotable lines than any movie I can think of (hey, I think I’ll go buy Fletch on iTunes now that I’m thinking of all those funny lines . . . . bought!).

Now, for the point of this post:
My next thought is the Office and Rainn Wilson’s character Dwight Schrute. He has more quotable lines than any TV Show I can think of right now. The first one that comes to mind is where he’s talking about the problem with women and that they have weak arms. Hahahahahaahahahahahah!

Ok, so without further ado, here’s the Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes:

  1. When my mother was pregnant with me, they did an ultrasound and found she was having twins. When they did another ultrasound a few weeks later, they discovered that I had adsorbed the other fetus. Do I regret this? No, I believe his tissue has made me stronger. I now have the strength of a grown man and a little baby.
  2. I am faster than 80% of all snakes.
  3. I don’t care what Jim says, that is not Benjamin Franklin. I am 99% sure.
  4. I don’t believe you, continue.
  5. Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.
  6. When I die. I want to be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it. I will wake up stronger than ever, because I will have used that time, to figure out exactly why I died. And what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.
  7. The eyes are the groin of the head.
  8. My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man
  9. Before I do anything I ask myself  “Would an idiot do that?” And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.
  10. You know whats better than a triceratops. Only every other dinosaur that has ever existed.
  11. Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.
  12. There are 40 rules all Schrute boys must learn by age 5. Rule #17- There are 3 things you never turn your back on- bears, men you have wronged, and a dominant male turkey during mating season
  13. I train my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. Also, I can retract my penis up into itself.
  14. Question…
  15. Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly, I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.
  16. How would I describe myself? Three words: hard working, alpha male, jackhammer…merciless…insatiable…
  17. I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose…and a panther.
  18. The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won’t receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. Count Choculitis….Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
  19. I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching.
  20. Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Honorable Mention:

  • Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.
  • A 30-year mortgage at Michael’s age essentially means that he’s buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn’t hear the other dead people.
  • I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War Two veteran killed twenty men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight.
  • Yes I have acted before. I was in a production of “Oklahoma!” in the 7th grade. I played the part of Mutey the Mailman. They had too many kids so they made up roles like that. I was good.
  • As a volunteer Sheriff’s Deputy I’ve been doing surveillance for years. One time I suspected an ex-girlfriend of mine of cheating on me, so I tailed her for six nights straight. Turns out . . . she was. With a couple of guys, actually. . . so . Mystery solved.
  • Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.
  • I like the people that I work with, generally. With four exceptions.
  • And I did not become a Lackawanna County volunteer sheriff’s deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven’t.
  • When you become close with someone, you develop a kind of sixth sense. You can read their moods like a book. And right now, the title of Michael’s book is.. “Something Weird Is Going On…colon…What Did Jan Say? The Michael Scott Story…by Michael Scott. With Dwight Schrute.”
  • He was already dead, and we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious smoky rich flavor. Plus, you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.
  • As a farmer I know that when an animal is sick sometimes the right thing to do is put it out of it’s misery. With the electricity we are using to keep Meredith alive we could power a small fan for two days. You tell me what’s unethical.
  • I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly.
  • Babies are one of my many areas of expertise. Growing up I performed my own circumcision.
  • I am not a security threat, and my middle name is Kurt, not Fart.
  • Can we steer away from gay people? I’m sorry it’s an orientation not a race. Plus, a lot of other races are intolerant of gays, sooo paradox..
  • D.W.I.G.H.T – Determined, Worker, Intense, Good worker, Hard worker, Terrific
  • People say, oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace. Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose
  • I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn’t have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I’d just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus I’d be more in tune with the moon and the tides.
  • Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.
  • In the wild, there is no healthcare. Healthcare is “Oh, I broke my leg!” A lion comes and eats you, your dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, your dead!
  • Did you know that the human thumb is formed by 15 interchangeable joints? Wrong. Don’t believe everything the people on television tell you.
  • I have been Michael’s number two guy for about 5 years. And we make a great team. We’re like one of those classic famous teams. He’s like Mozart and I’m like…Mozart’s friend. No. I’m like Butch Cassidy and Michael is like…Mozart. You try and hurt Mozart? You’re gonna get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy.
  • Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague…
  • A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, that must be avenged.
  • [indicating his purple belt] This is not a toy, this is a message to the entire office so that everyone can see I can physically dominate them.
  • Sasquatches are the strongest animal on the planet so fine call me a Sasquatch!
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    1. 112 Responses to “Top 20 Dwight Schrute Quotes”

    2. By sean gilman on Oct 17, 2009

      marc chill out at least they took the time to write this all out…

      bye

    3. By kayla chizzle on Oct 24, 2009

      THIS WAS SO GREAT.
      Especially #1!

    4. By weneedtheofficebackinaustralia on Nov 9, 2009

      lol i would use quote 11

    5. By OfficeObsessed on Nov 17, 2009

      “Can’t a guy just buy some bagels for his friends so they’ll owe him a favor which he can use to get someone fired who stole a co-manager position from him anymore??… geeez when did everyone get so cynical?!”

      FAVORITE lol

    6. By Kiki on Dec 10, 2009

      GO GREY’S ANATOMY! WOOO!

    7. By sheesh on Dec 16, 2009

      /wrists.

      silly kids,
      fighting on the internet is like racing in the special Olympics.
      Even if you win, you’re still retarded.
      :D

      The comments were almost funnier than the post.

    8. By me on Dec 19, 2009

      hahaa i love the first one! Mark must be PMSing pretty bad. :)

    9. By theygotowned on Jan 6, 2010

      hahahaha dwightmaniac and the other guys got punishedddd by stupidpeople!!! LOL btw office is amazinggg

    10. By zeegot on Jan 13, 2010

      I LIKE TURTLES!

    11. By Lovely on Jan 29, 2010

      If I could… I would marry Dwight Schrute:))

    12. By Lenyne on Jan 30, 2010

      I was laughing so hard I had to stop and wipe my eyes before I could finish.

    13. By schrute_follower on Feb 3, 2010

      You forgot one if his best …

      Women … are like wolves, you have to track them, trap them, feed them, talk to them, make them happy,
      like an animal deserves to be kept. You have to love them. And my animal deserves to be loved.”

    14. By kekepops on Feb 14, 2010

      Marc Grant and Dwightmaniac: In Flames has written a song about you. Superhero of The Computer Rage. Check it out.

    15. By Aly on Feb 16, 2010

      Learn your rules, you’d better learn your rules. IF you don’t you’ll be eaten in your sleep CRUNCH!

    16. By erma on Mar 19, 2010

      I loved this post! its hilarious! I heart dwight! OFFICE 4ever!

    17. By erma on Mar 19, 2010

      best dwight quotes:
      Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.
      best jim quote:
      what type of bear is best? False…black bear. Fact: Bears eat beets.
      best michael quote:
      We arent disgruntled! we are completely gruntled!!!!!
      hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha

    18. By reeseshara on Mar 24, 2010

      Sweet list! Dwight and The Office complete me…lol. Fav Michael Scott quotes: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh I donno, I sing in the shower? Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me– no, don’t sue me. That is opposite the point I’m trying to make.
      &
      I’m not superstitious, but I’m a little stitious.

    19. By Hue jass on Mar 29, 2010

      Damn! these pople have issues

    20. By ImNotKidding on Apr 3, 2010

      You’ve missed my favorite Dwight quote, when Jim is trying to discredit him and asks him about cases he has solved. “One, case of the beet bandit – missing beets from all over the farm, no footprints. Inside job, Mose in socks. Boom, case closed.”

    21. By Ashlea on Apr 7, 2010

      YOUUU guys are funny. Yes the quotes arent perfect but they are still funnnnyyyyyyyyyyy

      and there is life after death!

    22. By Kurby on Apr 10, 2010

      you need to add this quote its the best. “In a perfect world, all ten fingers would be on my left hand so my right hand would just be a fist for punching” Dwight K. Schrute.

    23. By joechaney on May 11, 2010

      I think the funniest part about this is that getting mad about screwing up a word in a quote is a very Dwight thing to do.

    24. By natashaaa, on Jun 3, 2010

      Lol ! Oh, that Dwight. People above, chill(: . I agree that the first dude was probably having a bad day but, come on. Miss Nut, (I actually really like that name, by the way. No joke.) thesignyouwerelookingfor said we are blind to this so- called truth, which might just get people angry. Anyhow, yeah, my favorite Dwight quote is “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.” :DD

    25. By keiran on Jun 9, 2010

      Im more use to the uk version (living in Scotland) but i have to admit that this version is so much better…..Gervais afetr a while got a little toooooo annoying whereas with these characters its still just hilarious!

    26. By koko77 on Jun 28, 2010

      Can someone pleasee tell me where the following quote is from? which episode? i cannot find it anywhere!

      “11.Dolphins get a lot of good publicity for the drowning swimmers they push back to shore, but what you don’t hear about is the many people they push farther out to sea! Dolphins aren’t smart. They just like pushing things.”

    27. By leelee on Jul 17, 2010

      ‘also I’ve noticed a gaping hole in my life. I’ve neen waking up to find myself craddling a gourd’

    28. By Awesome on Aug 14, 2010

      The quote “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galatica.” is not from dwight, it is from jim when he impersonates him. Dwight then replays, “Identiy fraud is not a joke jim, 5 million families suffer for it every year….. (may not be excatly right)

    29. By Sarah on Aug 18, 2010

      This has met my expectations..nay, exceeded my wildest expectations in regards to Dwight quotes :)

      ( season 2 reference :) )

    30. By Nick on Aug 19, 2010

      My favorite quote that didn’t make this list is…

      “The stroller must be indestructable”

    31. By Seattle Web Designer on Aug 27, 2010

      Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

    32. By Breigh on Aug 28, 2010

      Here is one quote that I love! This is from the episode when they are taking photos for security cards.

      “I don’t smile if I can help it. Smiling with one’s teeth is a form of submission in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.”

      Genius!

    33. By paul on Aug 31, 2010

      I love the quote in the bat episode…..
      “I hunt warewolves, I once shot one but by the tme I got to him he had already turned back into my neighbours dog” I love that quote.

    34. By JJ on Sep 4, 2010

      “I never smile if I can help it, Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates
      Someone smiles at me all I see is a chimpanzee begging for it’s life”

      -Dwight Schrute (Conflict Resolution)

    35. By Lola on Sep 17, 2010

      “Jim is gone! He’s gone! I miss him so much! Oooh, I cry myself to sleep! Jim! FALSE. I do not miss him.”

      By far, that is one of my favorite Dwight Schrute Moments.

    36. By wb on Sep 21, 2010

      What about when he said in regard to women “We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.” That should be in the top 5.

    37. By Corey on Sep 22, 2010

      Can’t believe no one posted this one! It’s hands down the best Dwight quote:

      What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No. I go for the chandelier; it’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I love the cold. Thirty years later I get a postcard. I have a son. And he’s the Chief of Police. This is where the story gets interesting: I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier.

    38. By PEter on Sep 28, 2010

      Great work :)

    39. By office fan on Oct 11, 2010

      “I have nothing on my horizon except for everything. Everything is on my horizon.”

    40. By recyclops on Oct 12, 2010

      i’m not sure if anyone posted it but this is my favorite dwight quote of all times:

      Jim: Look, is there a birthday you remember that you loved?

      Dwight: Here’s one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light. An intense pressure like I’d never felt before. Father, dressed in white, pulls me forward. Mother bites the cord.

    41. By Brandy on Oct 16, 2010

      “In an ideal world, my left hand would have 10 fingers. Then my right hand could be used for just punching.”

    42. By kayla on Oct 18, 2010

      for real, i wonder how he knows hes only faster than 80% of snakes. lolll

    43. By catherine on Oct 19, 2010

      And the latest Dwight K. Schrute quote to Michael regarding Michael’s “herpes duplex” cold sore….”You must call Holly immediately and inform her that she is crawling with herpes.”….. Later on in same episode, Dwight to Michael again, “Today is about herpes, who has it, who gave it to you, and who to seek revenge on” GO OFFICE! Prayin series doesnt end after Steve Carrell leaves at the end of the season:*( Though what will The Office be without Michael….

    44. By NONEYOURBUISNESS on Oct 20, 2010

      “No way, last time you did this you pushed me over and tried to strangle me with a shoe lace.” – Kevin…. “False. I did strangle you with a shoe lace”

    45. By quickrock on Oct 25, 2010

      Dwight – ” R is the most sinister letter in the alphabet, that is why they call it Murder and not Mukdek”

    46. By Mindy2Dicks on Dec 8, 2010

      yo!!!!???
      What’d i miss with this Marc guy!!???
      LOL

    47. By LASANDEE on Jan 11, 2011

      I loooove The Office!

      I love Michael’s quote

      “You look exotic…is your dad a G.I.?”
      HAHAHAHHAHHA

      Dwight is the funnniest man ever! I love ALL his lines/quotes! Michael is 2nd place :) LMAO

    48. By LASANDEE on Jan 11, 2011

      “You look exotic…was* your dad a G.I.?”

    49. By Andy Doerr on Feb 7, 2011

      I don’t really agree with the order. But its all opinion. Besides there are just too many good Dwight quotes to pick the number 1. Great job at including the best ones.

    50. By pokojt on Feb 13, 2011

      “Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.”

    51. By HazelEyes on Feb 23, 2011

      Michael – You respect dibs don’t you?
      Dwight – *scoffs* I’m not a barbarian.

      LOL! Not the best Dwight quote, but funny nonetheless! One of my absolute favorites is the one Corey mentioned – about Tiffany

    52. By t-marie on Mar 31, 2011

      “learn your rules, you’ve got to learn your rules, if you dont you’ll get eatten in your sleep….rawr!!! ” dwight, haha :)

    53. By nick on Apr 9, 2011

      Half of these are quoted wrong.

      He can raise and lower his blood pressure not cholesterol. The eyes are the groin of the face.

      Sub par effort…

    54. By PattyH on Apr 16, 2011

      Nick, 2 is not 1/2, I do believe it would be 1/10th, sooooooo you too are incorrect. Talk about sub par efforts! Just Saying! ;-)

    55. By alexiou34 on Apr 19, 2011

      Another hilarious one:

      On the contrary, “R” is one of the most menacing sounds. That’s why they call it MURDER not MUKDUK.

    56. By SecWh on Apr 23, 2011

      excellent post. laughed so hard!

    57. By Jerusha on May 14, 2011

      “Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last.”-Dwight K. Shcrute

    58. By adam on May 19, 2011

      whos justice beaver?

    59. By Jake on Jun 2, 2011

      “My father’s name:Dwight Schrute. My grandfather’s name: Dwight Schrute. My great grandfather’s name: Dwide Schrude. It’s an Amish thing.”

    60. By Epic Dwight ninja on Jun 3, 2011

      I’m the expert on the office and I love all of dwight’s quotes, but u guys forgot one… “have you, ever, pooped.. A, balloon? Hahaha! So sick

    61. By Thia on Jun 8, 2011

      “Dwight you ignorant slut!!”
      Not by Dwight but still awsome.

    62. By Mike on Jun 19, 2011

      One of my favs
      Why tip someone for a job I’m capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair. I did however, tip my urologist, because I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones.

    63. By awkwarddots on Jun 30, 2011

      “Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.”

    64. By Mr. Awesome on Aug 4, 2011

      you forgot one from: search committee part 1. “bread is the paper of the food industry, you write your sandwich on it”

    65. By Joey on Aug 8, 2011

      you’re*

    66. By jojacks on Aug 28, 2011

      how did this one slip through?

      “Oh man, am I a woman?!

      This was the line that got me hooked.

    67. By funnyguy on Aug 29, 2011

      “i dont have much experience with vampires, though i have shot a wearworf before. by the time i got to it.. it had already turned back to my neighbors dog!”

      “we need a new plague; there are way too many people on this earth.”

    68. By st3333ph on Aug 30, 2011

      Dwight you ignorant slut!

    69. By Ken on Sep 20, 2011

      One of my favorite scenes is when Dwight and Michael catch Stanley, Phyllis, et. al. having birthday cake during “Weight Loss” and Dwight kicks the cake exclaiming “Happy birthday, Stanley!” The look on Michael’s face at that moment was priceless!

      http://www.whatsthescuttlebutt.com/download.php?/TheOffice/WeightLoss/fruitvscake.mp3

    70. By Boeroeeee on Oct 12, 2011

      Dwight: I saw “Wedding Crashers” accidentally. I bought a ticket for “Grizzly Man” and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater, but I kept waiting. Cause that’s the thing about bear attacks… they come when you least expect it.

    71. By ashley on Nov 2, 2011

      “All men are created equal”

      Dwight: False…Explain Midgets

    72. By God on Dec 2, 2011

      Dwight now makes the show, ever since Michael left someone had to step up and Dwight did that

    73. By Rey on Jan 15, 2012

      Not by Dwight but still my favorite quote and it’s about Dwight!

      Pam:There is a master key and a spare key for the office. Dwight has them both. When I asked, “what if you die, Dwight? How will we get into the office?” He said, “if I’m dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.”

    74. By brooklyn on Jan 28, 2012

      “you know what? imitation is the most sincere form of flatery, so i thank you. identity theft is not a joke, jim! millions of families suffer every year!” –Dwight
      “Michael!”–Jim
      “Oh that’s funny. Michael!”–Dwight

    75. By b on Jan 31, 2012

      “It’s never the person who you most suspect. Its also never the person who you least suspect. Therefore, the murderer is Phyllis. The person who I most medium suspect.”

    76. By Jeff Kovach on Feb 15, 2012

      “Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world; all show, no meat.” Episode: “Special Project” Season 8, #14.

    77. By Hope on Feb 27, 2012

      I’d like to add to #19, “I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable. Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doing a goat, couple of pigs watching. **Whoever drew this got it exactly right.**”

    78. By adfdafs on Jul 1, 2012

      Micheal: “My lawyer and Corporate tells me I have to stop being offensive. So I am officially giving up Comedy.”
      Jim “Does that include that’s what she said? Wow that’s gonna be really HARD. Do you think you can go all day with that? Well, you always left me smiling and satisfied”
      Micheal: “THAT”S WHAT SHE SAID”

    79. By Jake on Jul 25, 2012

      “… And she said, well that’s the biggest penis I’ve ever seen, and I said , that’s why I took you to the penis museum, where tickets are a thousand dollars”

    80. By Kris on Aug 16, 2012

      “To my chickens, I’m the Scranton Strangler” – Dwight Schrute

    81. By Andrew on Sep 5, 2012

      “nick says:
      April 9, 2011 at 3:06 pm
      Half of these are quoted wrong.

      He can raise and lower his blood pressure not cholesterol. The eyes are the groin of the face.

      Sub par effort…”

      False. It is in fact his cholesterol that he can raise or lower

    82. By dwight lover on Sep 16, 2012

      excuse me… but i would really like to know where quote 11 is from.. the one about the dolphins.. ive never heard it and ive search endlessly on youtube and through the eps but still no luck.. any help?

    83. By Rachel on Sep 23, 2012

      No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes. Also, Hiro from Heroes.

    84. By Kevin on Oct 24, 2012

      “The Schrutes have our own family traditions. We have our weddings standing on our own graves. It makes the funerals quite romantic, but weddings are bleak affairs.”

      “I feel a gaping hole in my life. Sometimes I find myself lying awake at night cradling a gord.”

    85. By Anonymous on Dec 19, 2012

      When someone makes an entire webpage dedicated to recording their favorite quotes, you don’t read it and act like an asshole. You’re on this website so that your lazy ass doesn’t have to rewatch every episode. Be thankful, shit heads.

    86. By Meg on Jan 3, 2013

      “Question: my grandparents left me a large number of armoires…”

    87. By resonable on Mar 16, 2013

      He tried end of story.

    88. By Elijah on Mar 28, 2013

      “A lion comes and eats you, your dead. Well, I’m not dead, I’m the lion, your dead”

      your? YOUR???

      It’s you’re*. Come on now.

    89. By Faith on Apr 20, 2013

      It isn’t a quote but my favorite scene is the cold open when Jim tracks Dwights dry cleaner and replaces his office suit with one held to by Velcro. Then runs up behind him and strips him of it in the parking lot forcing Dwight to chase him in socks shoes and undies X ) lol

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    95. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      They missed one:- Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum (b-ass) are back from vacation !!! (when pam n jim come back from vacation)

    96. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      Dwight: I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once. But by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog

    97. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      Dwight: There is nothing on my horizon except everything. Everything is on my horizon

    98. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      Andy: If I were an idiot, I’d be driving a TransAm.
      Dwight: If you were driving a TransAm, you would be the smartest idiot in the whole world.

    99. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      Dwight: I am very excited. Ryan hasn’t made a sale yet, but more importantly, he hasn’t made an ally yet. Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?

    100. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      Dwight: Brain teaser. I have two coins totaling 15 cents and one of them is not a nickel. What are they?

    101. By Plankton Lex on Aug 5, 2014

      Dwight (as recyclops):- Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin?

    102. By KappnYoAss on Aug 22, 2014

      One I always liked was a quote from Dwight but it was Pam saying it. It was when they locked themselves out of the office after working late to avoid coming in on a Saturday, Michael and Dwight were gone and Pam said that Dwight has the spare key and the emergency key and that she had asked him what if you die? To which, his response was “….if I’m dead you all would have been dead for weeks”

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    107. By officeguru1030 on Oct 20, 2014

      Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica. IS A JIM QUOTE. HE’S MAKING FUN OF DWIGHT!! Cuz dwight responds with ”Wha- WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! IDENTITY THEFT IS NOT A JOKE JIM!! MILLIONS OF FAMILIES SUFFER EVERY YEAR!!”

    108. By Sterbegeldversicherungen on Dec 6, 2014

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